Reviews by Hanon Ondricek
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Has Potential, January 31, 2015I'm not the target audience for this Twine story with 8bit graphics and music, which also claims to be based on Legend of Zelda. This has the same sort of METAL ROXX!! intentions as Tim Schaefer's BRUTAL LEGEND. The font is 8-bit, and so is the music, which the author says wouldn't play in a browser, but eventually loaded and was also very retro 8 bit grindy. I've heard some amazing and beautiful 8bit arrangements, but this was ostensibly some sort of metal tune with sat in my ear like a jackhammer.
After the intro where there's lots of long scrolling text and un-skippable dramatic pausing, the game turns into a sort of RPG. The PC is on an invisible grid with links for NSEW. For the little I explored, every location is a "Temple of [something]" and you have to type in the answer to a password to enter. I wasn't sure whether these answers were available in-world or if they were some sort of metal trivia. When presented with "Number of the Beast", answering "666" did not work, so that's when I gave up.
That's not to say this wouldn't be an enjoyable diversion for someone into all of the elements that went into it: heavy metal, 8-bit retro, and LoZ. A good amount of skill is on display.
One of my favorites, January 17, 2015This was a dashed off piece by Porpentine, but it's got a hysterical sense of humor. It's like someone on sugar and cocaine telling an improvised story, both outlandish and perfectly reasoned at the same time.
It's not a game, but it's a neat little dose of Porpentine sense of humor if you're not into her more visceral stuff.
I don't want to spoil any of this, it's very short, but does have a major trigger in it. It's a clever short jam-idea. I would have liked if it were longer and kept the conceit that the words in the title are the only links you have to click on.
(Spoiler - click to show)
Major animal violence trigger.
Also I don't know if the order you select links could solve the mystery somehow.
That I was exceedingly sad to be left out of it.
New Genre: "IF My Life", November 21, 2014This is probably the most fun I've had with a choice-based game. Despite the serious themes, the interactions - as if you are text messaging with the author - are brilliant. There are moving sketch comic illustrations. This game gives me the same warm fuzzy "I'm the author's best friend" sincerity that I got with Deirdra Kiai's I'm Really Sorry About That Thing I Said When I Was Tired and/or Hungry. This is like the IF equivalent of "Draw My Life". I want to be this author's best friend now as well.
Not Proofread, Needs Work, August 30, 2014I suspect this game was written by someone either very young and new to writing, or someone whose primary language is not English.
I quit reading this Twine after several clicks due to:
*A huge number of spelling and grammar mistakes right at the beginning that don't encourage me that the writing will get better. For example "Mars" is capitalized when you are speaking of the planet.
*Poor writing above and beyond spelling and grammar. Awkward phrasing, adult language that seems completely inappropriate for the situation, prose changes from second person to first person and back again. Here's an example:
You notice who it was that was yelling for you, and immediately wished you hadn’t. “Hey captain.” She says in her overly excited voice of her with her sound piercing your eardrums. “So I’ve been meaning to talk to you lately you haven’t been coming to your check ups recently, and I know a certain someone who needs one.” The last bit she says with a patronizingly cheerful change of voice.
“No.” You say in the harshest tone of voice you can.
“Awww...,” she says as if she’s five. “But you promised you would at least have one session with me before the trip was over.”
“You’re no fun Mr.Poopypants.” She says as if that’s spouse to make you feel bad rather than making her look foolish.
“Now if you don’t mind I’d rather eat my breakfast in peace.” You say with a gentle happiness in your voice and a sly smile on your face.
“Fine, but you own me two visits on the way back to earth.” She says cheerfully as if she’s won some argument or something, but in all reality she just acted like a kid. But either way who knew that Therapists can be such a child, let alone necessary in space travel. Your stomach growls suddenly
Without picking it apart, there are uncapitalized proper names ("Earth" "Captain") capitalized words that are not proper names ("Therapists"), comma splices, incorrect quotation punctuation, sentence fragments, and things such as the word "spouse" substituting for the word "supposed" which is why I have a hunch this was written by a young author just writing what they heard in their head and neglecting to proofread. Despite that, this petulant exchange between purportedly the captain of a starship and its doctor sounds more like lunchroom "cootie" talk then dialogue between two people over the age of ten.
*General lack of meaningful choice. Most of the clicks I make are a choice of one to get the next story bit. The couple of times I had a choice of two things, it's your typical "get out of bed/don't get out of bed" sort of false choice that doesn't affect the story one bit.
I would have continued with this if the writing was competent, or if the plot started off with a bang. I encourage the author to continue writing and also reading; doing both are only real way to get better at writing. I also suggest to always get someone you know to proofread a work before releasing it to the entire world.
Quality Time With Deirdra Kiai!, August 9, 2014This autobiography of Deirdra "Squinky" Kiai (tubaist, graphical adventure creator) is delightful and I enjoyed it thoroughly. I felt like Kiai's best friend having a conversation with someone I've known my whole life. There is generous interaction written with an open and honest modesty and assured voice that never made me feel uncomfortable like a poorly considered personal Twine can occasionally do. Kiai allows the reader to proceed without delving deeper into every twisty anecdote, so I look forward to a second read. Even if you don't hit every node, it's an enjoyable conversation.
This is a spectacular example of an experience not possible in non-interactive fiction. Extra difficulty points for an assured rare tick in the IF autobiography genre that doesn't see much action.
ZOMbie WIZard...DWEEEDLEDEEDWEEEDLEDEEDWEEDLEDEE~<80s guitar solo>, August 9, 2014These get better as they continue. The author has finally stopped the one-move random death traps and delivered a new chapter that actually manages to attempt a slight story and character arc. The writing continues the zany, stupid, cartoon humor from before that follows the somewhat Monkey Island form of "Normal Response, Wacky Response, Audacious Response" but I find them funny, and at last I've gotten through an episode without having to smash my keyboard as I angrily start over. The jokes work ever so much better when you only see them once!
No summary because it's too short and simple for that. You're a zombie wizard, hijinks ensue.
Marvelous Writing Difficult Read, August 3, 2014This story delivers a mad sort of intensity casting the reader as a past-its-prime robot which is purchased at a yard sale and pressed into service by a seemingly-horrible woman who gripes that she has to issue specific commands to you. You're about two decades obsolete, but old robots make good spare robots. You're not one of the newer ones that can carry out implicit actions.
And it also seems the robot's hard drive has been recycled several times. Snippets of other people's lives can be reviewed, nearly always at high-pitch emotional moments. These become almost too extensive to read in one sitting. The angst here is pitch-dark and unflinching in the places it goes. This is not a bad thing.
What worked against this piece is the text styling. If you know enough html to make the background dark gray, you know enough to change the teeny default 8pt Arial font to something else and make it bigger.
I love the interesting games the author plays with agency. I was overwhelmed by some of the lengthy, almost short story-length interludes. Many of these I did read are internet-age adult situations (not the fun kind by any means) that ache under the weight of lived experience. Some are seemingly related to the frame story, some seem out of left field. I was most interested in the owner of the robot. You're not the best one available, and people enjoy interacting with you with about as much care as they do with ATM machines and dial in voice-recognition menus.
Worth it if you like your fiction brewed emo-black and bitter. If the output were more comfortable to physically read I'd definitely want to delve into more of the tangental stories.
Interesting Concept, Despite Reviewer's Lack Of..., July 24, 2014Progression is a dungeon delve into the underworld that seems to borrow a bit from Andrew Plotkin's Bigger Than You Think in that it seems that the player is meant to fail multiple times in order unlock new options to move further in the game. There's even an XP display that does not reset during multiple play throughs.
The "die to proceed" mechanic can be interminably frustrating in most games. Many Twine games are filled with these unhinted arbitrary choice clicks leading to an unpredictable game-over as a way to add the illusion of choice without the work of actually writing extensive choices that are meaningful. I remember a particularly egregious Ecto-Comp entry where the character has a choice of "Proceed down the sidewalk" or "Cross the street". Since no specific goal or direction had been given, it was infuriating to choose "Cross the street" only to summarily be told "You have been hit by a car, try being more careful next time," when there was absolutely no clues that the player could have made use of to know that was a death-end. Bigger Than You Think used dying abruptly as a gimmick - you died but were able to drop a rope into a chasm where it remained for the next incarnation of your player to use it and proceed further so "bad" choices could lead to new interactions.
That *seems* what's supposed to happen here with the XP count. Progression's text is evocative but sparse, and there are passages with several links that the player cannot choose since the preceding paragraph dims out when one is chosen. A few repetitions, therefore are not unwelcome. The problem here is some choices provide only a few words in response or a slight text variation, and then new links not seen before appear later on with very little to clue the player why. (Spoiler - click to show)Three scenes in I had to choose an answer to the Sphinx's riddle from about four provided. Each time I was wrong and had to replay the previous scenes. I steamrollered through them, restarting each time. At one point I was given a *fifth* choice, ostensibly based on what I had done before. Since I didn't try that one immediately, and didn't remember what slightly different sequence of clicks led to that choice appearing, I wasn't able to proceed.
I was hoping that the XP meter was the games way of keeping track of this and would offer greater and greater explanation of what's going on and more choices in each scene, but this didn't come into play in the sequence of the game I worked through - even though I got the XP count pretty high. Is it just a matter of grinding XP to make the game winnable?
The succinct writing style is good since the text must be read multiple times, but even then I was eventually just clicking hard and fast to get back where I was. Early on, the player is plunged into darkness with just two words "torch" and something that's not the torch. You're not told what the torch will do, but having the screen fade then from black up to deep blood red was a nice bit of styling. Despite being short, Progression quickly becomes tedious. There's no save/reload mechanism that might make this less frustrating because that would defeat the game of setting all the right flags so progress can be made.
This is unfortunate, as I genuinely liked the scenario. It seems like a step toward creating a larger puzzle in a choice-based adventure besides "Choose A, B, or C", but I grew quickly tired of it after about nine times through. Better feedback when the correct choices are made would go much toward improving this. Also some more extensive variations of the opening sequences so the player feels like they actually are "progressing". A way to review the choices that were made previously with a hint or nudge in the right direction after the death screen might help. Maybe this all happens later in the game past where I gave up after trying every response to the Sphinx.
There is no "about" or "hints" option, and no setup other than "You descend..." which could come off as pretentious, but works into the mysterious impenetrable-ness I think the author wants to evoke. If this game wasn't tested, it should have been. Perhaps if the player made enough correct choices, they could be returned just to before the incorrect one to save some tedium. I liked the game, I just didn't like repeating the opening ten times and not knowing how I could improve by taking different links. Appropriate and clear feedback is a must in a game like this. If you like experimenting and trying to find every nook and cranny that a Twine game provides, this will keep you busy a while.
(Spoiler - click to show)
Your descent is over.
This place is changing you.
You have died 6 time(s).
You have killed your brother 1 time(s).
You have eaten 2 sandwich(es).
You have incorrectly answered the Sphinx's riddle 4 time(s).
You have earned 175 experience points in total.
---
This is not true. These results are from one extra play I did to check things while writing the review. I may have restarted without a death several times, but I earned a lot more XP than that in my initial playthroughs. Apparently there's a cookie to remember some bits of your play but not others.
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