Go to the game's main page Member ReviewsNumber of Reviews: 2 Write a review Better Towards the End, March 23, 2014 by forgepoet While I did finish this, it took me three tries to get to an end, mainly because some of the initial segments are not very interesting or written very well (mainly too much telling, not enough showing). The first segment, in particular, could use a heavy rewrite -- it's not nearly as effective as some of the later pieces and that's a shame, because a lot of readers are going to quit after the first couple of pages and miss out on some of the more polished and fun segments later on. Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Remove vote | Add a comment
Comments on this reviewPrevious | << 1 >> | Next TYV, March 25, 2014 - Reply forgepoet, thank you for your feedback. I appreciate your taking the time to read my story and to offer your thoughts. In hindsight, I probably should have chosen a smaller project for my first Twine work, so that I wouldn't end up writing the later portions about six months after the earlier portions! I also burdened myself by adhering to an underlying theme that dictated how many vignettes the story had to include, as well as what drove each set of characters. I wanted to avoid referring to that theme explicitly, for fear of influencing readers' choices, but clearly I needed to engage readers in a more effective way. I am not a creative writer by nature, and I wrote this story so that I could learn by doing. I have certainly learned a lot already. Thanks again! forgepoet, March 26, 2014 - Reply Please consider beefing up the weaker vignettes! I really enjoyed many of the later ones (Spoiler - click to show)(the gambler, the thief, the ranger, and the archaeologists were my favorites and the ones I thought were best done) but the weakness of the first one in particular is going to shut out a lot of readers (who are not going to realize the depth of the piece). I think the theme is fine, as is the central conceit, and that this could be a really good piece if it were just touched up a bit. (Spoiler - click to show)The magician segment, in particular, could use some more choices that overly affect that vignette. By a few segments in, I could see that the choices were more meaningful than it first appeared, but it's asking a lot of a casual player to understand that from the very first page. |