Wrong Floor

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Average Rating: Number of Reviews: 1 Write a review

Twine 2's "Harlowe" format is the default, and it's so much nicer than "Sugarcane" which was the previous default format. Harlowe sports black on white, large, serif text.

This game is not completed yet, but the author made it public on IFDB and requested feedback. Therefore I'm not giving it a star rating.

I thought this would be a zombie story the way it sets up. You are in an elevator and can only choose to go to the first floor. You exit the elevator and there are dead and dying everywhere. Somehow the protagonist turns out to be a doctor. In my sequence I defibrillated a dying patient (glad I knew what I was doing) and she vomited all over me. The staff member helping asks if I want coffee.

There are lots of typos, lots of dropped punctuation, lots of missed capitalization, lots of missed commas inside quotation marks. The writing seems reasonably competent in what can only be considered a first draft. My feedback is "fix the typos, finish the game."

I would highly encourage (with all respect) this author to find a Twine or IF community and solicit beta-testing in the future before submitting work here, as IFDB is usually the place for a finished product. Good places to find help and beta testing would be the intfiction.org forums and the twinery.org forums.

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