Teenage Emergency by Alan Devey 1995

About the Story

Most of us can remember the traumatic times of our "schooldays" and how what we always thought were "good ideas" were regarded by parents and the like as "devilish pranks" and worthy of chastisement - What happened, were they never young themselves or had they just forgotten what it had been like to be footloose and fancy-free?

So it was with AUBREY JEMIMA GARETH WILDEBEEST - life was bad enough with a "handle" like the but then also having to live in Surbiton was more than a boy of thirteen could hope to deal with. Having such frightfully "nice" parents and "snooty" neighbors and their children was a sure reason for him having to rebel, or at least it was to him.

After months of ignoring their offspring's attempts to get back at them for his hideous moniker, the Wildebeests had finally been thrown out of their lethargy on that fateful day - February 1st. A day on which, according to local custom, the traditional ritual of forgetting to turn the calendar over takes place. These twenty four hours had seen our "hero" take naughtiness to new heights as he sabotaged his mother's "coffee morning" with ample supplies of itching-powder and comedy hand-buzzers. Then he had moved on to the obscure practice of holding mock pagan rituals in order to frighten the school's religious education teacher beyond belief. Finally he moved on to releasing a flock of woodpeckers towards the vicinity of his grandfather's wooden leg!

These acts of insubordination brought forth threats of his body parts being sold off to the local chemical factory for medical research... such are the acts of desperate parents.

Aubrey fell asleep that night wondering if his peril was for real and if so which "part" would be the first to go. The next day he awoke to find that he was still "intact" but that unless he got a move on he was going to be late for school - normally nothing to worry about but with such a "threat" hanging over his head perhaps it would be wiser to make the effort towards punctuality. After all, he could not afford to upset the family any more if he wanted to make it to the end of the week with ALL his organs still intact.

Stealthily Aubrey rose to go downstairs, intending to get ready and head for school with the minimum of fuss. Some hope!

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