Reviews by streever
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Perfect use of the form in this compelling mystery, January 11, 2017I was ready to be disappointed. My expectations were so high that I wasn't sure they could be upheld. I hadn't seen much buzz about this piece, which was surprising; the author, Liza Daly, has an impressive background in ebooks and an incredible collaboration with Emily Short.
I was so impressed by this work that I'm writing my review after finishing the opening. The design is minimalist but extremely thorough: the typography is beautifully readable, and this work has clearly been laid out by someone who has thought about how people read online.
The prose is as clear and clean as the design, and immediately creates a sense of place. New Jersey comes through. The tent comes through.
Game mechanics are shockingly effective. The opening is linear, but choices feel meaningful. The protagonist is a charlatan who performs psychomancy readings for gullible tourists, and it feels meaningful when you ask your latest mark--or customer--for his hat.
Despite the attractive design, clean prose, and sense of place, I wasn't excited about the work for the first few minutes. This is my fault! I don't love reading online, and something of this length, I'd normally skip over. The design is so thoughtful though, and the writing so good, that I kept going--and then was completely and utterly hooked at the opening twist. I won't spoil it, but near the end of the opening, the story shifts from what feels like a slice of life tale to an engaging, compelling mystery story. This moment completely hooked me, and the following story keeps the pacing and tension building as it weaves an even more complex tale.
Some might complain that there isn't much 'game' here: you have a clearly defined character you inhabit, the story is largely linear. Whatever limitations may exist in that area, the story and the mechanics that do exist more than compensate, creating a strong, well-told tale.
Welcome to your ad-supported freemium driving experience! Would you rate us?, January 10, 2017This seems to be a satire at first, but make no mistake, it's a chilling dystopian tale of our likely future. Just think about pumping gas at a 'nice' gas station: a giant screen greets you and plays TV ads while you pump gas. No mute button; no channel switch. Get to the theatre 'on time' for your next movie. Instead of previews (a type of ad) actual commercials are played, with the previews coming later--after the listed start time.
I'd been thinking about making my own smartcar game, but it was a one-note concept; this takes the idea and extends it, featuring obstacles from ads to a pushy navigational system to problems with charging and filling the battery. It ends with an emotional blow that reveals a deep familiarity with the essential heartlessness of modern, commercialized, technology and design.
The writing throughout is sparse and fun. A well executed twine piece.
Collection of unrelated trivia questions and seemingly random 'battles', January 10, 2017I'm not sure what to make of this.
It's a Twine-piece with almost no plot at all; the protagonist is described as a 'slacker' who flunked high school, but then we're told he just failed Physical Education. Doesn't really sound like a slacker in my opinion, but there you have it. A teacher offers to let the student graduate if he can 'solve' the puzzles in a panic home, which is revealed to be a mansion.
What's a panic home, you ask? I thought it would just be a locked down house, like a panic room, a sealed away room to retreat to, but it appears to be a house full of daughters who attack you after you answer random trivia questions. Top names in the US in 1900--longest national coastline after Canada--the title of a soap opera that ended in 1989 after 13 years of broadcasting--if you can see a common thread here, you've solved a deeper mystery than I could!
The lack of a plot or any other motivation makes this effectively a collection of random trivia questions, mostly all answered easily with a google search. The seemingly randomized battle sequences (click "attack" or "defend"--the right sequence will win) break what little flow is to be found in the trivia questions.
I'm not sure who this piece was intended for, or what the goal was; I didn't particularly enjoy it.
Fun and original Twine work, January 1, 2017A typical night out--banter and overpriced beer--takes a turn for the better when you meet the gaze of a cute stranger and decide to introduce yourself.
The writing is fun and humorous, but at times could have used a little editing; the adjectives trip up some of the otherwise well-written passages in the opening.
This debut work breaks from typical slice-of-life work by asking the reader to compete in small mini-games with each significant action. A game of chance, a trivia question, and a reflex text are all used to test the reader. While not directly relevant--no one has ever had to answer a question about ancient Chinese history in order to stand up from their table--these games create a sense of tension and pressure which fits in with the theme and overall mood of the piece.
I am very impressed with this as a debut piece, and hope to see much more from the author.
Atmospheric piece building out the Diasverse, January 1, 2017This is a companion piece set in the same world as earlier works by Dias, bringing back the intriguing protagonist of Four Sittings In A Sinking House. If you haven't read his earlier works, this brief piece may be unsatisfying. There is little backstory or characterization, merely a list of items referring to the previous works, and the choice to keep or abandon each item.
This is a nice treat for fans, and a good reason for newcomers to read his back work.
Compelling work of cosmic horror with Judeo-Christian overtones, December 29, 2016This beautiful Twine piece puts you in the perspective of a volunteer at a SETI-like institution. Quickly, things go awry, and strange behavior and a dark secret emerge.
The type is well-designed, and the overall effort feels polished, with a nice use of imagery and visuals. I may be spoiled, but I think some audio component would have elevated the overall effect and increased the atmosphere.
The one quibble I have with the plot and theme is that I don't feel like we have a real chance to connect with the character, which reduces the impact of the overall story. We open with the acknowledgement that we are volunteers at this institute, but we don't understand the work we're doing or the importance of it. Why are we here? Is it for college? Do we really work a day job and come in here at night to do free work for something we don't understand and can't explain? I think the piece would benefit from having a better sense of who we are, why we're here, and how this encounter with a different identity affects us.
Overall, I'd give this piece high marks for atmosphere and tension, particularly in the second act, when physical danger is introduced.
Nightmare-like short horror piece, December 28, 2016This work of surreal horror that read like a nightmare: while I appreciated the creepiness, I never felt any sense that the protagonist was in real danger. It felt more like I was playing through his recollection of a fever dream.
The writing was strong overall, but held back by excessive wordiness and presentation. Small yellow type on black is not easy to read, especially with such dense sentences. I'd recommend increasing the line height and narrowing the column the text appears in along with some light editing.
Some scenes were especially good; the restaurant was the most unsettling, followed by picking up the blade. I didn't expect the game to raise existential questions at the very end; I suspected something more violent.
I'm not sure what the deeper themes were here--they eluded me, in the same way that the meaning of a convoluted dream does, leaving me only with a sense of what was happening. In that way, I thought this was reminiscent of Murakami, with a focus on the style and sense of the situation.
Short little CYOA-style by young authors, December 27, 2016The tables are turned on a notorious thief in this cute little CYOA piece by two young authors. This piece began as an exercise in grammar, and sentences are indeed rich with adjectives and adverbs.
The piece could use more: more rooms, more stolen items, more choices, more editing, but it is a fun, cute little romp, with some humorous asides revealing a sense of whimsy and fun at the heart of this work. An especially charming moment occurs in the first failure option, when we follow the sound of barking to the guard dog, something the authors describe as a natural impulse of anyone who likes dogs.
Although a parser work, this piece felt like the classic CYOA: vocabulary is limited and options are usually obvious in this fun, short work. I hope the authors are encouraged by their final work and return to the format in the future.
Disturbing sci-fi story with echoes of Huxley, December 25, 2016This was a disturbing work which raises questions of complicity and empathy. What do we owe an amoral man? If someone has done the unthinkable to hundreds of people, what level of emotional response do we feel when he has the tables turned?
I don't know that this work provides a satisfying exploration of the deeper questions it asks. It's a short sci-fi work where we start off as the orderly who helps an egotistical doctor attempt to perfect mind control. We aren't given much ambiguity: we know what we're doing, we know the price that our unwilling test subjects pay, and we know that we're doing something evil that must be hidden.
Told over roughly three acts, this piece seems to ultimately ask if the end justifies the means, but cleverly without ever really showing us the ends. In the end, we have a chance to respond with how we feel about the question, but it doesn't feel like an answer to a grand question but a personal one.
This thought-provoking piece might have benefitted from more: a longer build-up, a longer denouement. I think a longer third act, with the question being posed later after a series of experiences, might have made it more enriching.
All in all a worthy effort which raises questions and leaves the reader wanting more.
Update:
I was able to progress by downloading the file and playing it offline, but, ran into another game-breaking bug later in the game when directions gave me the same error as in the car. I do think this work has a lot of promise and an interesting premise, but I've removed my star rating for now until I can actually play through it.
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This game has an interesting premise and seems to create an appropriate tone, but completely falls apart in the first 2 minutes.
Leaving your house to start the story results in a bizarre situation: you have a car in the driveway, but no seemingly no ability to go anywhere. "Go to kitchen", compass directions, "get in car", "Drive car", all produce error messages. "Open door" seems to work--the story informs you that you're in the car, the engine is running, and Uncle Jacob's house is 30-minutes to the east--but that's it. You can keep typing "open door" or "x car", but nothing really happens.
It's a shame, because the author seems to have put a lot of work into this. I don't know if the version is bad, or if it's a placeholder for a forthcoming work, but I look forward to re-playing it when it's fixed.
As an aside, it could use a little copy editing; I'm not ruthless about typos but found several.
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