Conan Kill Everything

Baf's Guide

A brief, silly game in which you, as Conan, kill everything. This is one of those games that takes a simple idea and takes it to its logical extreme. Stupid, but in a good way.

-- Carl Muckenhoupt

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Average Rating: Number of Reviews: 4 Write a review

Most Helpful Member Reviews

Paradoxically enjoyable..., February 26, 2008
As seen in Baf's guide, "Stupid, but in a good way." is probably the best way to describe this unexpectedly fun mini-game. What should be a 1-star bad joke in IF form turns into a 3-star good joke in IF form as you find yourself actually putting some effort into figuring out how to get Conan to kill everything.

At least one line involving the spider made me laugh out loud. I look forward to trying more serious efforts from this author.

Lightweight, May 26, 2008
This is one of those games, like YOU HAVE TO BURN THE ROPE or Pick up the Phone Booth and Die, where the title could double as the walkthrough. Killing everything does entail a few very minor puzzles, but essentially you just do what it says on the box. Thoroughness is rewarded.

So it's not very ambitious. Is it fun? Yeah, more or less, but I found that the implementation wasn't quite smooth enough and I actually got hung up on stupid things midway through the game. You have to kill things in a specific order, and if you try to deviate from this order, the game won't let you go forward; since I had completely the wrong idea about how to solve one of the puzzles, this left me stuck for longer than the game really deserved.

Then, too, the humor wasn't quite to my taste. It's supposed to be broad, I realize, but the one-note joke had worn out well before the game ended.

Everything? Yes, everything!, January 3, 2008
It is a good thing that Robert E. Howard is not around to see what happened to his barbarian, Conan. Though his original stories are by no means great literature, neither are they the violent, mindless trash that later generations have associated with Conan the Barbarian.

Conan Kill Everything takes that later tradition to its logical extreme. Conan has found the evil wizard, and in order to exact his revenge, he kills everything. Absolutely everything.

In order to kill everything, Conan must solve a couple of very standard puzzles. There are some humorous elements, including the speeches of the wizard and the final move which you need to make to win the game; but in the end, the game is totally forgettable. The jokes are not brilliant; the puzzles are not themselves interesting; and it parodies something that is already so far beyond the limits of good taste and serious intention that it does not allow for parody.

Since you can play the entire game in 15 minutes, you still might want to give it a try.

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